... is a whole lot harder than falling off of it is.
I suppose, if you want to be exceptionally accurate about it (and, please, let us not confuse the issue with facts), I didn't so much fall off the wagon as jump enthusiastically at the first available opportunity.
You see, I have what I consider to be a legitimate addiction. My husband insists that it's just all in my head (isn't that what an addiction is? -basically just your brain screaming at you that you need this??) He claims that I could stop if I truly wanted to. If I wanted it badly enough, I could just walk away and never think of such things again. Theoretically, that may be true. Unfortunately, even though I keep stating very, very clearly that I am not going to go near that stuff ever again... I always end up with it.
And, no, this time we aren't talking about something wonderful and amazing that "normal" people just don't get. (Such as fabrics or yarns, for example.) This time we are, in fact, talking about something very bad for me. It isn't illegal or anything. In fact, most of the time, people seem to be shoving it at you. I get strange looks from people when they find out that I don't let my kids have it, because everybody (and their kids) uses the stuff constantly. (It isn't that I actively deprive my kids of it. It's that they will not touch the stuff. At all. Their choice. I swear it. I really can't be bothered to mind that they don't want it. I wish I didn't want it.)
I'm talking about soda. Or pop, depending on which part of the world you come from. (I seem to remember calling it pop, or possibly soda-pop, when I was smaller.) Specifically, colas (Dr. Pepper, by preference)- the more caffeine, the better. I've finally gotten away from the diet sodas- thank goodness!- but I still cannot quit longing for them.
I go cold turkey every time I try to quit permanently. There is no possible way for me to "just have one once in a while." Tried it. It fails miserably. Every. Single. Time. One turns into two, which turns into three, and before I know it that's all I seem to drink. Meanwhile, my virtuous, non-addicted kid is fussing at me like she was the mom, telling me how bad it is for me (which I know) and how it isn't nutritious (which is one of her favorite words)...
I was doing really well this last time. I was. I hadn't had a single soda in weeks, and I was nearly to the point where I could almost fool myself into thinking I didn't want them (LIAR!!) And then...
I don't actually know what went wrong. I just found myself drinking one. Maybe I was sleep deprived. That happens a lot- you would not believe how often that happens! (Okay. If you have very young children, you probably believe. If your kids are older, you might already be blessed with that lovely self imposed amnesia that our brains are programmed to provide us with as a self-defense, species survival mechanism.) Or, maybe, I forgot to pack a water with me/drank all my water and just needed a drink. That might have been the only decent option available.
Or maybe, just maybe, my husband is wrong. Maybe that headline I saw (somewhere or other) that claims that sugar is more addictive than most drugs is actually on to something. That would explain a lot.
And so, here we go again. I'm climbing back up on the wagon. And I will try once again to stay there.
And, if they would like to help me stay there, I would offer this advice to my children- especially the little one:
If I am not able to drink soda, my dears, then the only possible source of caffeine left to me is the one you must allow me to have. It is hot. You cannot climb on me/steal it out of my hands/ hang off of my legs while I'm trying to lift it. You must get over whatever unreasonable objections you seem to have to this beverage that will (hopefully) be able to get us all through our days with my sanity as intact as it is possible to still be. In short, you must let me drink my tea!!!
Seriously, what do you have against tea??!?